It’s that time of year again, where snow abounds, at least in Charlie Sheen’s orifices, and we warm our extremities near the fireplace to avoid a devastatingly cold 60 degree night in Southern California.

The time of year when tiny tots put their full faith in a white-haired man who will break into the homes of middle class suburbia and stuff stockings to the brim, and no I’m not talking about Santa.. this special psfu is for Mr. Jerry Sandusky.

Albeit this is not the most current twitter trend, but if there’s anything that Chris Hansen has taught me, it’s that there’s no bad time to chastise the creepy. He has also taught me that Mike’s Hard Lemonade is the rapist’s drink of choice…

With Sandusky’s new defense in tow, well, he’s just asking to be verbally castrated, by yours truly. Hygiene.. really? Is that what you were teaching the half-naked kiddie poos? You know what is better than teaching hygiene? — not rape.  

In fact a frothy dick milk bubble bath sounds like the direct opposite of hygienic… But I’m no CDC rep.

I’m no children’s advocate by any means either, if anything I think children are creepy and infinitely more intelligent than adults (those brilliant little motherfuckers).  But tales of pedophilia and sexual depravity irk me to the core. Only the true anal warts of the world would dare prey on little lambs. I can only wish 40 counts of terrifying jail-time sexual redemption towards the cripplingly gross Mr. Peen State.

It’s only fair, tis the season!